First Impressions, First Love

My weekend nights are usually reserved for my girls. If I go out with a guy, usually it will be on the weeknights. On the rare occasions that I go out with a guy on the weekend, they will join my friends and me - and in these cases, I'm usually a bit more interested in him than the norm.

To be truly honest, I do not really know why I work this way. My guess is that I have a rule on intimacy and sleeping over - I don't do either. Why? Some say it's because I'm too independent. Sometimes I agree.

I remember the first time Charlie and I went out on a Saturday. I had picked him up in the morning to go to the pool. After a few fun hours of sunning and swimming, we had dinner where I invited him to hang out later that night for a friend's birthday party. I then proceeded on drinking way too much, throwing up in his bathroom sink (which needed to be drano-ed out later), and then passing out in his bed. Embarrassing? Very. I even yelled at him for asking me a "philosophical" question. Thank goodness for his sense of humor. I don't know any man who would have called me after a night like this.

I woke up the next day with the nastiest hangover, and God bless him - he made me blueberry pancakes. Unfortunately, my stomach was too sour to take it so I didn't really eat it. I was extremely touched by his efforts, however, and invited him and his roommate to play volleyball with my brother and me later that afternoon (post-hangover).

I was floored that I was opening myself up to him like this. Let me digress a bit to let you in to see who I am, and how I normally "work."

Nobody is more important to me than my family. Family, for me, includes my best friends - male and female. I love spending time with my family, and I will do anything and everything for my family. Random men, don't mean anything to me. I guess you can call me a serial dater. I never have less than 5 men in my queue, but I don't normally sleep with any of these men. They are men that I normally meet, am interested in for a short period of time, and then they fall out. Once they fall out, there is someone else to replace their position in the queue. Why do I do this? I'm not always out to hook up. I love meeting new people, and making new friends. If I have to try to get to know a guy and make a friend out of him through "interest," then that's what I will do. The ones that see me for me and stick around, will realize that they are better off being friends with me. Those that don't, don't. What do I have to lose? Nothing. Don't get me wrong, when I am single, there is nothing I love more than the game, and playing that game, I am an expert at.

Why play the game? Who cares? Insecure, I am not. Just think of it this way…before Charlie, I was single for a year. Before that, I was with another guy for 5 and a half years. If you do the math, I've pretty much been in a relationship since I was 16. Where is the time to grow and figure out who I am? When I am in a relationship, I am fiercely loyal and devoted. When I am single, I will take advantage of every minute I can to just have fun, and to enjoy life. I am the best girlfriend one can ever have, and I am the best woman for a hook up.

Life is so short, we must take advantage of every phase we are in. So why waste my time on someone who will not appreciate me in the long run? I approach every situation in this manner because I sincerely believe that no expectations = no disappointments. That equation is not hard to understand. That is yet another one of my life mantras. We expect so much out of life, and want everything to be so perfect that it causes stress and anxiety when we are dealt the "wrong" card - something we can not avoid. It's not that I don't have high goals or expectations, I would just rather not deal with the stress that comes with meeting them. Things will work out on their own and in their own time, and most of the time we cannot control how we get there.

Even after that humiliating night, Charlie ended up seeing me for me, and loving me for me. Even to this day, I believe he would not want me to change myself for anything - except for what makes me happy. I think I saw this in him from day one, and that's why he was the first person I was able to let into my soul in such a short period of time.

Cheers. To the first real love of my life.